"I never met a man I didn't like." ~ Will Rogers
The income tax has made liars out of more Americans than golf.
There is nothing so stupid as an educated man, if you get off the thing that he was educated in.
I don't make jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts.
You can't say civilization don't advance...in every war they kill you a new way.
If you're ridin' ahead of the herd, take a look back every now and then to make sure it's still there.
It isn't what we don't know that gives us trouble, it's what we know that ain't so.
I guess truth can hurt you worse in an election than about anything that can happen to you.
I would rather be the man who bought the Brooklyn Bridge than the man who sold it.
Live your life so that whenever you lose, you're ahead.
The quickest way to double your money is to fold it over and put it back in your pocket.
There's two theories to arguin' with a woman. Neither one works.
Never miss a good chance to shut up.
A remark generally hurts in proportion to its truth.
I do not belong to an organized political party. I'm a Democrat.
We can't all be heroes, because somebody has to sit on the curb and applaud when they go by.
If you live life right, death is a joke as far as fear is concerned.