Don't go around saying the world owes you a living; the world owes you nothing; it was here first.

I have made it a rule never to smoke more than one cigar at a time.

Power, money, persuasion, supplication, persecution -- these can lift at a colossal humbug -- push it a little -- weaken it a little over the course of a century; but only laughter can blow it to rags and atoms at a blast. Against the assault of laughter nothing can stand.

I have been on the verge of being an angel all my life, but it's never happened yet.~ A BIOGRAPHY

I have never taken any exercise, except sleeping and resting, and I never intend to take any.

The man with a new idea is a crank until the idea succeeds.

A classic is something that everyone wants to have read and nobdy wants to read.

It is not best that we should all think alike; it is a difference of opinion that makes horse races.

When angry, count to four; when very angry, swear.

He had only one vanity; he thought he could give advice better than any other person.

(Hawaii)...the loveliest fleet of islands that lies anchored to any ocean.

Let us so live that when we come to die even the undertaker will be sorry.

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